The Psychology of Vulnerability
The latest workplace trend that many writers are on about is ‘Vulnerability’. According to the plethora of writings on this subject, many workplaces are encouraging their employees to be vulnerable. The premise of this trend is that ‘you need to make yourself vulnerable at work in order to be viewed as authentic’. I think this is not only dangerous but that it is also a load of rubbish. Revealing a lot about yourself is the best way to come across as less authentic.
Why is this trend gaining traction? Because it has been unfairly and unnecessarily tied to ‘better’ teamwork.
The very last thing most of us want to do is show our vulnerabilities, these are intensely personal things and have precious little – make that nothing - to do with what happens in our workplace.
We all intrinsically know what our vulnerabilities are, what our fears and concerns are, what issues we are dealing with – to suggest that we must share these things with our work colleagues is not only madness, but it is also dangerous and does no-one any good. I do not need to display my vulnerabilities in order to be seen as ‘authentic’, I can do that in a more effective way such as the attitude to my work, the way I work and how hard I work. This is how show my authenticity – that is, if I need to show it at all.
Team members should certainly feel that they are being authentic with each other without displays of intensely personal emotions and feelings. If a team member has a personal issue that is causing them to drop their performance, they need to be able to say something like “I’m really struggling right now. I’ve got some stuff going on and it’s hard, and I wanted you to know. I’ll check in with you if I need something or I may take some time off”. Download How to Introduce Psychological Safety to your team.
The most brilliant people I have ever met and worked with have never made themselves appear as vulnerable, and that includes myself. What they do instead is ask for help which brings teams closer together and makes them stronger.
Asking for Help
Expressing your views about each other in the workplace is fraught with danger and there is a much better, proven way, to achieve the same outcomes that ‘being vulnerable’ is seeking to achieve.
Most of us see ‘asking for help’ as a condition to be hidden. But when it comes to creating cooperation, asking for help is not a risk but a psychological requirement. Cooperation does not simply descend out of the blue. It is a group muscle that is built according to a pattern of repeated interaction.
Asking for help is that interaction – it creates a specific type of communication loop. A shared exchange of openness occurs which is a building block of cooperation and trust. So, if you want cooperation, trust and authenticity to fully develop in your team one of the best ways is advising your team members of the importance of asking for help. People tend to think that asking for help is a weakness and potentially makes you appear as insecure. It is not a weakness, nor does it say that you are insecure, rather it screams out loud that you are indeed authentic. Everyone knows that at different times we all need help (e.g., a project deadline approaching or the need for an opinion) what actually happens is that asking for help makes people relax and connect and start to trust each other. The more people ask for help within a team the greater the degree of mutual accountability, co-operation, and trust.
This is how the communication loop works:
1. When team member A asks for help.
2. Team member B responds by signalling their own need for help making team member A feel more relaxed and trusting.
3. Team members A and B detect this signal establishing a new norm causing closeness and trust to increase.
Whenever I manage (or train a team) I immediately introduce two Rules:
Rule 1: You need my permission to die. (For the humour value) and
Rule 2: You will ask for help.
Asking for help is not a weakness, in fact it is a characteristic of high-performing teams, its brings team members closer together, builds trust and if it’s important to you it also makes you appear as extremely authentic.
