7 Easy Ways to Persuade and Influence People
Persuasion is an art, not a science.
We all know someone who can get us to do anything, an ability we all crave. Having had a career in Change Management, I have had to, on many occasions, convince people and teams of wholesale and often dramatic changes that need to be made. Over the years, based on pure experience and trial and error, I arrived at a set of principles that have always worked well for me and can work well for you. In this article, I describe persuasion and influencing techniques; then, I condense it all down to an easy to remember shortlist to enhance your persuasion skills.
As a Change Manager I had to learn how to persuade people to do things they both did and absolutely did not want to do, these were changes in techniques, behaviours and even the knowledge they used. The strongest influencer I found is a reasoned argument or pitch that is based on facts or experience (your experience is hard to argue with, as long as you have credibility people will accept what your experience has to say).
But I also learned that there were other factors that were also important like my use of language (not what I said but how I said it, the tone of my voice and the emphasis and pauses I used). I was lucky to have had six years doing talk back radio on the ABC, which taught me how to use my voice to great effect and how to use it to persuade and influence listeners. I know first-hand just how difficult it can be sometimes to persuade people to your way of thinking, but there are seven key things that you can do, things that are easy to copy. At the end of this article, I finish by describing what these are, but first, it’s important to know a little about the art of persuasion and how some others view it.
Mastering effective influencing skills or the art of persuasion increases your self-esteem gained through self-expression and being persuasive is an important professional skill that we all need to master.
A good manager does not rely on their position or title to delegate a task or influence someone; instead, a good manager does it by carefully using persuasive reasoning skills. Effective managers don't just command; they inspire and encourage. Managers tap the knowledge and skills of their team by managing individuals to make commitments to achieve results.
To get your manager to have confidence in your ideas and career potential, you need to persuade them. No matter how much you want them to understand your work's depth, knowledge, and expertise, your managers are not studying for a test. By shifting your focus from educating to influencing, you can build the credibility you need to get where you're trying to go.
Some different Persuasion perspectives
Roger Dooley from Neuromarketing
Understand what motivates your audience.
Talk about needs they didn't know they had.
Share a story.
Establish common ground with your audience.
Use a personal note.
Be upfront with your request.
Use guilt to your advantage.
Use the right words.
Focus on what the other person will gain.
Remind the person they can always say no.
Robert Cialdini's six principles of persuasion
Reciprocity. A common social norm, reciprocity, involves our obligation to return favours done by others. Thus, when I do something for you, you feel compelled to do something for me.
Liking. One way people exploit this is to find ways to make themselves like you. Do you like golf? Me too. Do you like football? Me too. Although often these are genuine, sometimes they're not.
Authority. Something as simple as informing your audience of your credentials before you speak, for example, increases the odds you will persuade the audience.
Social proof. People are more likely to say yes when they see other people doing the same thing - social proof is not all bad.
Consistency. If you ask people to state their priorities and goals and then align your proposals with that in mind, you make it harder for people to say no.
Scarcity. Have you noticed that Amazon tells people there are only a certain number of products left? That's scarcity at play. You want what is in short supply. This desire increases as you anticipate the regret you might have if you miss out by not acting fast enough. So if you want somebody to want what you have, you have to make that object scarce, even if that object is yourself.
Dale Carnegie – the persuasion guru
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throwdown a challenge.
What you need to do
Make your words powerful. Your pitch needs to be full of words that elicit a response. You can do this easily by framing your statements around key phrases. For example, "car accident" is a phrase that makes you think of many different types of vehicle collisions. But if you're trying to persuade someone to buy car insurance, you won't say that there are thousands of car accidents each day. Instead, you'll say that there are thousands of car-related deaths every day.
Dress up, but don't talk down. Nice clothes go a long way in helping you maintain confidence, even if no one is around to see you. Be careful, though, that being well-dressed can result in you looking better than people who are actually above you.
Focus on the future. Speaking in a future tense establishes confidence best done by using the word will. Phrases like "We will" and "Then we'll do this" will get the person used to the idea that this will happen.
Speak their language. Finishing a person's sentence is bad. This is because you're inserting your own "speak" into their independent thoughts. So instead, actively listen to how the person talks and watch how they carry themselves.
Be a master of timing. This goes along with getting to know the person you're pitching to. Study them and find out the best time to talk to them. For example, some busy executives are swamped during the beginning of the week and check out mentally on Friday. This means that Thursday may be the best time to approach a person you need to persuade.
Repeat what they say. Prove that you are listening to and acknowledging the thoughts and feelings of the person you're talking to. You can affirm their stance by simply saying, "If I'm understanding you correctly, you're saying that you find this important because of XY and Z. I understand that and think AB and C."
Preferred communication. Study the person and determine how they prefer to communicate. Simply asking them if they like to talk on the phone instead of email goes a long way, just as long as you give them some options.
Individual thinking vs. Group thinking. To quickly identify if someone thinks better individually or in a group, ask: Do you prefer studying by yourself or in a group? Then ask, how do you like to relax – by reading a book by yourself or meeting friends?
Auditory vs. Visual thinking. Does the other person think primarily in words or images? For example, draw them a picture or just explain. Auditory thinkers will tend to use verbs such as hear, listen, explain. Visual thinkers are much more likely to describe a situation using see, look, watch.
My 7 principles of persuasion
Over the years, based on experience and trial and error, I arrived at this set of principles that have always worked well for me:
1. Use clear language. If you can't explain your point of view to a 10-year-old, such that they can explain it to another adult, then it's too complicated. The art of persuasion lies in simplifying something down to its core and speaking slowly, constantly pausing every 30 seconds.
2. Base your argument on facts or your experience. Base your argument on facts or your experience, this makes it easy to explain your reasoning for things which is absolutely critical.
3. Match the other person’s voice and body language with your own. The way they talk (softly, loudly) even body language should be matched effectively. If they like to talk with their hands, that means their ideal form of communication is active, so it is helpful for you to do the same.
4. Express your opinion reluctantly and use persuasive words. You want the other person to believe in you. You have all of the answers, but how did you get there? Talk about what you used to believe and what you believe in now; by doing this, you control the conversation and convince the other person that this will work for them. Use the five most persuasive words in the English language: You, Because, Free, Instantly, and New.
5. Get your timing right and be persistent. Everyone can be persuaded, given your timing and context is right. Keep selling your message, do not let up. The person who keeps asking for what they want, and keeps demonstrating value, is ultimately the most persuasive.
6. Pay genuine compliments. Compliment people sincerely and often for things they aren't typically complimented for; it's the easiest thing you can do to persuade others.
7. Be honest and energetic. Sometimes the most effective way to persuade somebody is by telling them the truth about something, especially if others are reluctant. Some people drain our energy, while others increase it. The most persuasive people know how to transfer their energy to others; they know how to motivate. Sometimes all it takes is eye contact, physical touch, laughter, excitement in verbal responses, or active listening.
Summary
Persuading people is an art, not a science. The next time you feel you need to persuade someone or delegate a difficult task, prepare what you are going to say and how you are going to say it by following these points.
1. Use clear language and speak slowly.
2. Base your argument on your experience.
3. Echo the other persons tone of voice.
4. Use persuasive words (You, Because, New).
5. Get your timing right, be persistent.
6. Pay genuine compliments.
7. Be honest and energetic.
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